hey girl where are you going
looking wild and puzzled and free
when you smiled and lassoed the sunset
did you give one last thought to me?
--jessica parsons-taylor--

election night, and while there are few things i like to discuss openly in a public forum less than politics, suffice it to say that i am worried. mostly because of the gubernatorial race, and the clear jeopardy that my job will be in if it goes one way versus the other--not to mention the hurt suffered by our clients if that same candidate wins. but as i said, i am not a huge fan of debating on open websites. so that is all i will say on that.

i was snuggling Bigfang on the couch tonight when the Bro came home from an hour or two out with friends. "aww, bigfang" he said, "it's a rough life, huh?" Bigfang just grunted and settled her head more solidly in my hand. and as i often do, i began to reflect on the year and a half we have lived together, the Bro and SIL and i. you see, Bigdog is wholly the Bro's. her heart lives in his pocket. she will guard the SIL and i when he is away, because to her we are part of his pack, and so we are her responsibility when he is not here. she knows his car. sleeps on his side of the bed. and Stinky is all the SIL's. that dog would follow my SIL to the ends of the earth. no matter who walks her, feeds her, or scratches her ears, Stinky goes to SIL first and last and in between. when my SIL is sick, Stinky becomes a hot-border-collie-compress and snuggles up with her; when Stinky is scared she becomes velcrodog, sticking to the SIL like glue. equally, Catwings is all mine. he comes when i call, whines a welcome when i come home after work, watches out the window every night while i fall asleep. he will ride on my lap in the truck, curl up on my stomach, step on the computer to get my attention.

and yet. while they each clearly have their favorite, the SIL tells me that during the day when she and the Bro are sleeping (they operate on a night schedule--they're not lazy), she will hear the quiet pad of Catwings' paws up the stairs. he will come in and pat along the edge of the bed until he feels Stinky underneath the covers, then he will go around to the other side, hop up, and proceed to snuggle up with SIL--checking in, she says, it's like he's making sure we're all good up there. on days when i am sad or tired or heaven forbid tearful, Bigfang is all about sitting with me. she'll plant her solid self right by my side and wait while i put an arm around her neck, hug her fur, tell her secrets that i don't want anyone to hear. and Stinky will let the Bro--and from what i've seen, only the Bro--pick her up, toss her up on his shoulders, and walk around with her literally hanging around his neck. these are meager examples. the SIL broke Bigfang and made her into a snuggle monster. Stinky and i ran together for so long after work that now she waits to hear me come in and then meets me with whines and jumps and wiggles at the door, just to make sure i know she wants to come. and the Bro has developed a love love relationship with Catwings, who really doesn't like dudes-- but the Bro can pet him or tussle with him, and Catwings loves him.

so what's the point of this silly little post? well. more than anything it was a reflection of how far our little family has come. but maybe tonight it's bigger than that, as so many things often are. we're sitting in a time that is unstable and scary. perhaps the worst is the feeling that we are simply doing just that, sitting in it. and while i cannot help but believe that the people i work with and work for are doing more good than harm, sometimes it is a struggle to see that. sometimes optimism is a job that i cannot complete. and some days, i want to simply give up, because change in every world i'm part of seems a very long time coming.

but then i think back to the first month we all lived together--longer than that, the first six months we lived together, in that first house which is 6 blocks and a lifetime from where we are now. you see, Bigfang wasn't a cat dog. and Stinky wouldn't stop barking. and Catwings would meow all day long confined to his room.

then we moved. Stinky stopped her barking. and one night i found Bigfang and Catwings curled on opposite ends of the same couch, each sleeping with one eye open but a newfound toleration. change was a long time coming. and i wasn't expecting to see the changes i did. but we got there. they got there. as always i find a lesson in our animals, our companions and friends, most definitely wiser than humans. and while i am sure that there are people who would say, "oh my lord, it's dogs. and a cat. get over it!", i am astounded by the powerful examples that they set for me. perhaps i am looking too hard for it. but there has been change. and that leaves me, more than anything else, hopeful.